The Art of Conversation

I know there are several things you can say to open up dialogue with someone.
What you say can strike a chord, nerve or memory and often some pretty interesting conversations ensue.

The local radio station, on this mornings drive into town,  asked the question, 'should men sit or stand to do the pee pee.'

Apparently this is a hot topic - there were hundreds of calls.
Lots of people had an opinion on this topic and wanted us to know what that opinion was.

I have lots to say about lots of things but peeing position is not one of them.

Have we run out of things to talk about?

Sigh.



“I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.” 
― Oscar Wilde

Dear Husband - Read This!

The Weeks have just blown by!

Here's what's been going on while I have been neglecting your blogs and mine.

The Boys bought a Unicycle

They are stuck in that sad area between being  men and boys.

Braces or, as they say to justify the $6500.00 tab, orthodontic appliances for Son #2.

I could have bought several major appliances with that kind of cash.
They gave him wax to put between the braces and the lips in case kissing was painful.
 I guess he didn't tell them about the unicycle.

Dry Grad Fund Raisers - note to self - don't volunteer EVER for the bottle drive.  Nasty things in those bags of cans and bottles.

 Son #1 got his four wisdom teeth removed at $350.00 per tooth.  Someone's taking a nice vacation and its not us!

If our boys don't take the unicycle and join the circus perhaps dentistry would be a good professional choice.

My turn hosting Ladies night - I love my ladies - they are funny and kind and like to drink wine.

Suffered through The Flu when I was really hoping for EColi so I could sue and use the money to pay for the dental work.

Canning, preserving and pickling garden overabundance or, as my gramma used to say, "putting up".  Never quite got the gist of that saying.

And finally, interspersed throughout the above annoyances and general busyness, were several blond moments, or, as they shall be called from here on, Joy Moments.

Joy Moment #1
Looking and looking and looking for the Crock Pot recipe book and then finding it (after the meal was cooked) tucked safely in between the metal outer and the ceramic inner of the crock pot.
The corners of the pages are a wee bit charred.
.

Joy Moment #2
Trying to open the car door with the computer chip key, door will not unlock,  expecting huge bills to repair the computers, worrying that I will be late for the orthodontist, only to realize that it was not my car that I was trying to open - my car was in the parking stall next to it.
In my defence, they were both dark navy.

Joy Moment #3
Came out of the washroom at work and my skirt was tucked into my panties - really unattractive and a co-worker had to notice it for me.

Joy Moment #4

Answered the phone.
Her"  Hi, how are you today?"
Me: (inward groan crap! another telephone survey).  "Fine thanks"
Her:  "What's your favourite radio station?"
Me:  "CBC"
Her:  silent
Me: " Hello?"
Her:  "no,you're on the air with SunFm, if you had answered 'SunFM Vernons favourite music station' you would have won today's amount of $115.00."
Me:  "okay, well,  thanks anyway."

Shit! CBC never gives away money and I could have used that $115.00.


And finally, this weekend is the Canadian Thanksgiving Weekend and yes, in spite of all my complaining I am thankful.
I'm thankful for my great family and that we are all healthy and thriving.
I am thankful for all my friends - blog friends included!
I am thankful that I live in a country of people who are not only tolerant but accepting.
and with that I leave you with these words.
They are not my words but could be if I were poetic.

Be Thankful
Be thankful that you don't already have everything you desire.
If you did, what would there be to look forward to?
Be thankful when you don't know everything,
for it gives you the opportunity to learn.
Be thankful for the difficult times.
During those times you grow.
Be thankful for your limitations,
because they give you opportunities for improvement.
Be thankful for each new challenge
because it will build your strength and character.
Be thankful for your mistakes.
They will teach you valuable lessons.
Be thankful when you're tired and weary,
because it means you've made a difference.

•••••••••<<§>>•••••••••
author unknown
Happy Weekend, friends!

What we Need

Here's a wee thought for Monday morning from David Orr.

23 Adult Truths

I don't know the original source of these 'truths' but I found this here . 

 Pinterest is great  (unless you are the owner of something) and then you are lost in the void.  

So to whoever compiled this list, thank you! .

A Sign - just in time for the Weekend.

I often take things as a "sign" and seeing this today I jumped to the conclusion that I was meant to make these this weekend and so I shall.  

 You may, or may not, hear from me soon. 

Because if they are good.... well, you get the picture.

http://o.canada.com/2012/08/16/summer-sips-blackberry-gin-and-tonic/

Method:

- In a cocktail shaker, muddle the blackberries and lime juice. Fill with ice and add simple syrup and gin. Shake vigorously for about 10 seconds.
- Fill a Collins glass with ice. Double strain into serving glass using a cocktail strainer and its strainer or a mini fine-mesh strainer to prevent the blackberry seeds from going into the glass. Add tonic water and stir gently. Garnish with a few blackberries on a skewer.

Note: To make simply syrup, combine equal parts of water and sugar in a small saucepan and heat over medium heat, stirring, until all the sugar is dissolved. Cool before using, It will keep in a sealed container in the fridge for up to 5 days.

Source: Serious Eats via Gwendolyn Richards, Calgary Herald

Photo credits:
Ingredients (with the exception of the tonic water and gin) from Fotolia.com
Tonic water courtesy of Fever-Tree
Gin courtesy of Hendrick’s Gin
Intermezzo Satin highball designed by Erika Lagerbielke from Orrefors

Canadian National Canthem - Happy Canada Day!

Wishing you all an Early Happy Canada Day!

Keep Safe and Don't Drink and Drive!

Watch these people - crazy and talented.  

15 More Things to Teach my Boys and One New Thing I Learned Myself.

Raising boys is starting to become a job!  Who knew there was so much they need to know.

Here are 15 more that they will be quizzed on later.

1. The kitchen? Not just for girls. Learn to use a stove.

2. If a girl tries to change you she doesn’t really love you no matter how much you want her to.

3. Shower daily, keep your nails trim and use deodorant.

4. A dutch oven* is never funny.   EVER

5. It is never acceptable to break up with a girl over the phone. 

6. Understand how to use basic tools. 

7. When you ask a girl, “Is something wrong?” and she says, “No.” She’s lying.

8. The job of a stay-at-home mom is equally as hard as yours. 

9. Table manners. Use them.

10. You will never know a stronger pull than that of your friends trying to get you to participate in their wrong doing. Resisting makes you a man. Succumbing makes you a coward.

11. Never use your fists to solve any dispute. One wrong punch could take a life and it could be yours.

12. Condoms will save your life.

13. Never use the word gay in a derogatory manner. It’s ignorant. 

14. Sexting is a federal offense.

15. Not all real girls look like Victoria’s Secret models.

*  I didn't know what #4 was so I looked it up -   Dutch oven is a slang term for while lying in bed with another person, pulling the covers over the person's head while flatulating, thereby creating an unpleasant situation in an enclosed space.^[1] This is done as a prank or by accident to one's sleeping partner.  ^- and now I know so Thank you Wikipedia. - unpleasant situation indeed.

20 Things to Tell my Boys

This came from Amanda at  Werdyab and I think it is absolutely wonderful.

http://www.werdyab.com/2012/04/20-things-mother-should-tell-her-son.html

20 Things a Mother Should Tell Her Son

1. You will set the tone for the sexual relationship, so don't take something away from her that you can't give back.

2. Play a sport. It will teach you how to win honorably, lose gracefully, respect authority, work with others, manage your time and stay out of trouble. And maybe even throw or catch. 

3. Use careful aim when you pee. Somebody's got to clean that up, you know.

4. Save money when you're young because you're going to need it some day. 

5. Allow me to introduce you to the dishwasher, oven, washing machine, iron, vacuum, mop and broom. Now please go use them. 

6. Pray and be a spiritual leader.

7. Don't ever be a bully and don't ever start a fight, but if some idiot clocks you, please defend yourself.

8. Your knowledge and education is something that nobody can take away from you.

9. Treat women kindly. Forever is a long time to live alone and it's even longer to live with somebody who hates your guts.

10. Take pride in your appearance. 

11. Be strong and tender at the same time. 

12. A woman can do everything that you can do. This includes her having a successful career and you changing diapers at 3 A.M. Mutual respect is the key to a good relationship.

13. "Yes ma'am" and "yes sir" still go a long way.

14. The reason that they're called "private parts" is because they're "private". Please do not scratch them in public.

15. Peer pressure is a scary thing. Be a good leader and others will follow. 

16. Bringing her flowers for no reason is always a good idea.

17. Be patriotic.

18. Potty humor isn't the only thing that's humorous. 

19. Please choose your spouse wisely. My daughter-in-law will be the gatekeeper for me spending time with you and my grandchildren.

20. Remember to call your mother because I might be missing you.

Thanks Amanda! 

http://www.werdyab.com/2012/04/20-things-mother-should-tell-her-son.html

To Go, please.

http://www.etsy.com/listing/33606464/ill-have-a-cafe-mocha-vodka-valium-latte

E-Mails - Putting Terror into the Hearts of the Gullible

This email came from my cousin - I wish she had sent me recipes instead. She's a great cook.

It read:

I want to thank all of you for your educational emails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery. 

I no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, nor do I have the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel. 

I cannot use the remote in a hotel room because I don’t know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels. 

I can’t sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed..hmmmm 

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one’s nose. 

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years. 

I can’t touch any woman’s purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom. 

Special thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat crap in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing. 

I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason. 

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die for the 1,387,258th time. 

I no longer have any money, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program. 

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa’s Novena has granted my every wish. 

I can’t have a drink in a bar because I’ll wake up in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone. 

I can’t eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers. 

I can’t use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a farm animal on a hot day. 

I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. 

Because of your concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains. 

I no longer buy gas without taking someone along to watch the car in case a serial killer crawls in to my back seat when I’m filling up. 

I no longer drink Pepsi or Fanta since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put ‘Under God’ on their cans. 

I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer. 

Thanks to you I can’t use anyone’s toilet but mine because a big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant death when it bites my butt. 

And from great advice shared I can’t ever pick up a penny dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a Sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over. 

I no longer drive my car because buying gas from some companies supports Al Qaeda, and buying gas from all the others supports South American dictators. 

I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 feet out of the toilet. 

I can’t do any gardening because I’m afraid I’ll get bitten by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off. 

If you do not forward this to everyone on your email list bad luck will follow you for the rest of your life ;-) 

A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail (and blogs) with their hand on the mouse. ;>) 

Don’t bother taking it off now, it’s too late. 

Is it any wonder I'm so ነዑሮትች?

Parents! Listen Up

Not my words, but so true, and every time I read this I get all teary...

..and then I hug my boys.

I hope they grow up to be that kind of man.

http://www.facebook.com/FreeYourMindandThink

Canadian Wives!

Canadian Wives!!!!

Three Canadian men married wives from different countries. The first man married a woman from  China .  He told her that she was to do their dishes and house cleaning.  It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away. The second Canadian man married a woman from Italy . He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking.  The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better.  By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table. The third Canadian man married a girl from  Canada .  He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal.  He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.  War Brides Charles H. Richer/Canada. Dept. of National Defence/Library and Archives Canada/PA-

Skiing in Trail, BC

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ua26CixwnKs

JP Auclair Street Segment (from All.I.Can.)

I don't know if I am more impressed with the skier or the cinematographer or the mind that thought up this fascinating movie but I am impressed for sure.

 

Gratitude

Not what we say about our blessings, but how we use them, is the true measure of our thanksgiving.

~W.T.Purkiser

Happy Thanksgiving to all my American family and friends, I am grateful that you are part of my life!

Lessons to Prepare for Parenting

I didn't write this.  

I wish I had read this 17 years ago.......

(and yes, I still would have had my two lovely boys!)

THINKING OF HAVING KIDS??? DO THIS 11 STEP PROGRAM FIRST!

Lesson 1 

1. Go to the grocery store. 

2. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office. 

3. Go home. 

4. Pick up the newspaper.

5. Read it for the last time. 

Lesson 2 

Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and berate them about their… 

1. Methods of discipline.

2. Lack of patience. 

3. Appallingly low tolerance levels. 

4. Allowing their children to run wild. 

5. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's breast feeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behaviour. Enjoy it because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers. 

Lesson 3 

A really good way to discover how the nights might feel… 

1. Get home from work and immediately begin walking around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly. (Eat cold food with one hand for dinner) 

2. At 10PM, put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep. 

3. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1AM. 

4. Set the alarm for 3AM. 

5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink and watch an infomercial.

6. Go to bed at 2:45AM. 

7. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off. 

8. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM.

9. Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work hard and be productive)

Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years. Look cheerful and together. 

Lesson 4 

Can you stand the mess children make? To find out… 

1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains. 

2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer. 

3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed. 

4. Then rub them on the clean walls. 

5. Take your favourite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it. 

6. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?

Lesson 5 

Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems. 

1. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh. 

2. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out. 

Time allowed for this - all morning. 

Lesson 6 

Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don't think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like that. 

1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. 

2. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player. 

3. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot.

4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car. 

Lesson 7 

Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is an excellent choice). If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat. Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys. 

Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children. 

Lesson 8 

1. Hollow out a melon. 

2. Make a small hole in the side. 

3. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side. 

4. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane. 

5. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone. 

6. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air.

You are now ready to feed a nine- month-old baby. 

Lesson 9 

Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street , Barney, Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney channel or Noggin for at least five years. (I know, you're thinking What's 'Noggin'?) Exactly the point. 

Lesson 10

Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying 'mommy' repeatedly. (Important: no more than a four second delay between each 'mommy'; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required). Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler. 

Lesson 11

Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while playing the 'mommy' tape made from Lesson 10 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.

Remember, a sense of humour is one of the most important things you need as a parent!

"UNITED" - 7 Billion Actions (7billionactions.org)

Playing for Change - beautiful misic, beautiful voices and such a good message.   

Remembrance Day Tomorrow, Today and Every Day

As at October 31, 2011 the number of Canadian dead has increased to 158 which to some is not a lot but if it's your child, brother, husband or dad, then one is too many.

Planet Sark knows

Child, teen, husband, friend..... this would work for all of them.

http://www.planetsark.com

The Black Bra

 Here's what was blooming today

Once again, these are not my words, this was sent to me in an email ......

 The Black Bra (as told by a woman)

I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends.
One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been married for 20+ years.

We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes..

Here's how it all went.

My engaged friend:

 
The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask.
He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams.
I love you.' Then we made passionate love all night long.

The mistress: 

 
Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and mask over my eyes. 

When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but he started to tremble and we had wild sex all night. 

Then I had to share my story:

 
When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra, black stockings, stilettos and a mask 

over my eyes.
When he came in the door and saw me he said,  


 


"What's for dinner, Zorro?"