too old...

I went to an exercise class tonight.

Oh God.

I'm uncoordinated.

I run like a girl.

I have no strength.

I can do three skip ropes in a row.

I nearly screamed out loud when I had to do a bench press.

I'm really good with a hula hoop.

No one openly laughed at me.

I'm going back on Thursday.

I am a sucker for punishment. determined to get into shape.

)(^#*&%&^@& !!! SPAM

Everyday I get approximately 1600 spam comments and they fill up my email box and many of your comments get deleted as they get lumped in with the spam  and I just don't have time to go through every &^$%(#*&^ Ambien  comment so for now I am shutting off my comments section.

I hate to do this - I love hearing what you have to say and I love the dialogue we continue once you place your comment.

Really, I have met some wonderful people through this site and this is almost like saying  I don't want you to come over for a visit.
But that's not true , please, don't leave me.

So,  if you want to write something to me, please add my email to your contacts list or friend me on Facebook.  http://www.facebook.com/joy.donovan.31

What's that saying?  'We won't let the bastards win'?  

Okay you Ambien Bastards my comments will be turned off on Sunday Night November 11, 2012.

It hurts me to do this.

And don't tell them but in a month or so (???) when they've forgotten about me,  I will turn my comments section back on.

The Art of Conversation

I know there are several things you can say to open up dialogue with someone.
What you say can strike a chord, nerve or memory and often some pretty interesting conversations ensue.

The local radio station, on this mornings drive into town,  asked the question, 'should men sit or stand to do the pee pee.'

Apparently this is a hot topic - there were hundreds of calls.
Lots of people had an opinion on this topic and wanted us to know what that opinion was.

I have lots to say about lots of things but peeing position is not one of them.

Have we run out of things to talk about?

Sigh.



“I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.” 
― Oscar Wilde

Mammograms and Ogopogo Hallucinations

Once a year I go for a mammogram.

Not the most pleasant experience but, by far, not the worst.

And it is quick.
 In, strip, four images and leave.
10 minutes to save your life.

I don't always get the same technician.  

Some are young, some are old, some are chatty, some are funny, some are odd.

Friday's technician fell into the last category.

She and her husband were driving back from Vancouver and when they passed through Peachland or Summerland, or one of those tiny towns perched on top of a mountain side with a clear and full view of Okanagan Lake, when she saw Ogopogo.

Ogopogo is a mythological creature similar to the Loch Ness Monster.
It is said to live in Okanagan Lake.

http://ogopogomonster.com

Several say they have seen it and the only documentation is some wave action where this water creature was said to be.

I'm pretty sure it isn't real but I still panic when weeds touch my legs.

Back to my mammography technician story.

She told me, while standing behind her protective screen, while I was trapped - held captive really - in her imaging machine that people who do not believe that Ogopogo exists are really narrow minded and she was going to, single handed if necessary, right the world of this wrong.

'Get any pictures of it?' I asked (knowing the answer would be no.)

"Everyone wants pictures! is it not enough to just realize that we are not alone in this world? That other things exist?"

I was getting a bit nervous.


'Did your husband see it too?' I asked
'Of course not, he was driving.'


Uh huh - just as I thought.

My take on her sighting of this mythical creature?

I hope someone reads the results of my screening.
I'm not sure what she might see in the image of the insides of my breasts..


http://www.two-views.com/Mammogram/During.html


These aren't mine.
Mine aren't that perky.

We Are all a Little Loonie

A Canadian economist has been rallying to have the population of Canada (and elsewhere) stop calling our dollar coin "The Loonie".

He says it's a joke and childish.
He takes great shame in the fact that we call it a Loonie.


And just so you know, when it is traded on the TSX, it is referred to the Canadian dollar not the Canadian Loonie.

We call it the Loonie because

1.)  It has an image of a Loon on it

2.) The whole idea to change from a paper dollar to a coin was complete lunacy (or Loon-acy)


Our Loonie turned 25 years old last December.
We love it -  except for the 2012 issue which is thinner and screws up vending machines and parking meters.

Scuttlebutt from the CBC call in show on this latest Loonie name change issue follows:

"Put an image of a deer on it and then we can call it a Buck."

"Make it illegal to call it a Loonie - give people a ticket when they call it a Loonie."

 (I think we should make them pay these tickets in Loonies - poetic justice)

"Put the image of this economist on it and then we can truly call it a Loonie."

We are Canadian.

If we can't laugh at ourselves then we will have to laugh at others,

and that will just pi$$ them off.

If you Smell Smoke - Dinner must be Ready.

This is startng to be a Holiday dinner tradition.
One I'd rather not honor.

It's a Joy Moment 
 Gas stove and oven mitts - first I notice the smell, then the heat, then the flames and then I shriek.

 Son #1 put out the fire by whacking at it with a dinner fork - ineffective really - all the while saying, "mommy! you're on fire."

 You will see from the condition of the oven mitt that this is not the first time the gas flame has ignited the mitt.

Sad really.

When the Chips are Down

Pinterest.

I love Pinterest.

I find all sorts of recipes, pottery and art, humor, clothes styles, interior and exterior decorating, gardening, and DIY.  I love  DIY. 
These pinners make everything look so easy to do.

I also love to cook and bake.  And eat.

I think eating is my number one favorite thing.

I have been saving receipes to my Boards and today had a wee corner of time in which to try one of my saved and  treasured recipes from Pinterest.

Sweet Potato and Beet Chips.

The outcome?

Sad.

Common sense should have told me that 35 minutes at 350 deg was not a good choice.

The repinned recipe was supposed generate crispy and delicious (as well as nutritious) chips.
 Or so said several other pinners.

 Apparently they, like I, pinned it before they tried it.

I don't think "chips" should bend this easily.
I couldn't leave them in the oven longer as they were taking on that ever-so-nasty burnt taste.
 

And then I found this Pinterest fail site.  You know the kind - how it should be and how it is.

 http://www.pinterestfail.com/

I need to post my chips there.

Here's what the supposed-to-be crispy beet and sweet potato chips look like.

They  look like failure.

They also taste like failure.

I wonder if the hundred other recipes and DIY's I pinned there are also useless.

Really though, they look like they would be so good.
I'm so easily fooled.

Maybe I'll put a Post-It note on my computer..... "Remember the Beet Chips!"

Mutant Giants

I am an organic gardener.
Water, compost and sun.

Last year I posted a picture of my giant tomato.

This year I am posting a picture of my giant blackberries.

I think that consuming these mutants is the reason for my ever growing derriere.

That's the story I'm going with.

It has nothing to do with chocolate.

Or cheesecake.

I will not be posting a picture.

Bungy!

I don't know how to download a Vimeo video to Blogger and my 'still holiday' brain is not co-operating but if you click this link below you will see the reason for my greying hair and chronic upset stomach.

I think my kids are trying to kill me off before I become a burden.....

Photo above is Son #2 at the end of his jump and

this video link is of Son #1 jumping 

The bridge is 150 feet over the Nanaimo River.

Son #1 used his GoPro cameras so we could experience the jump with him.

http://vimeo.com/47259642

More holiday fun to come as vacation brain returns to normal.

Its been a Wee Bit Rainy here..

I have been whining and complaining about the cold rainy weather  we have been having in the Sunny Okanagan.

Whining and complaining is what I do best. 

I excel at it.

We can't go boating.

The beach?  Forget it, wet sand is nasty.

The hiking trails are treacherous.

My cherries will not be sweet and juicy because they need SUN! darn it.

The peonies and lilies are flattened and soggy.

Archie the Dog hates getting wet.  He has a rain coat that he can wear but it's wet feet that bother him most.  

It has been said that people and their pets are similar - I concur.

My gardens are full of weeds.  

And the lawn is covered in toadstools.

However,

Sicamous, a town about 45 miles north of us,  has had a lot of rain too.

Photos: Contributed - Donna-Marie Gregersen

 

I'll take the weeds and toadstool any day over this.

Anyone know how to build an Ark?

RUN! (toward the forest) RUN!

Cholera did not happen.

Neither did pneumonia, small pox or influenza.

So I sucked it up and joined the girls for The Run.

They are girls - I am not.

Here is what I discovered during my run:

1.  My skin (and parts) move a lot with each jarring footstep, quite an unpleasant sensation.  Gravity, you are not my friend.  

2.   My cardio condition sucks!  I was seeing black spots by the time I had run about 1/4 mile.

3.  The girls can run backward while shouting encouragement.

 4.  A sprained ankle or pulled muscle does not cut it with them - "work it out!" was the call of the day.

 5.  To the highway and back, which is 4 miles, felt like 27 - I hit the wall (as I mentioned earlier) at the 1/4 mile mark.

6.  Going slow enough so they could pick me up on the run back  didn't work - they insisted we all stick together and "isn't it beautiful out at this time of day?"
 I couldn't reply - no oxygen.

7.  Running in Son #2's old grade six sneakers was not a good choice of footwear but it was that or my flip flops.

8.  I had a good time - in spite of the cramps in my side and the burning in my lungs and legs.

Do it again next Friday? they ask.

Sure, love to.

If I'm able to move by then.  Or if Yellow Fever doesn't finish me off.......



http://egotvonline.com/

Some Friend.....

Her call started off innocently enough.

Her:  What are you doing on Friday?  Still have the day off?

Me:  Yes.

Her:  Want to get together in the morning?

Me:  Sure.

Her:  There will be three of us.  We're going for a run.

Me (silently, in my mind):  I don't think so!
Me (out loud):  Sure.  Love to.

Her:  Great!  See you in the park at six.

Me (silently, in my mind): Six? In the AM?   $hit!!!
Me (out loud):  Okay,  see you then.


Seriously, I hope I get  cholera before Friday.

Make Your Own Luck

It is the last week of school for the boys.

It is also exam week.

Son #2 is his same casual self, thinking 'it is what it is'.

Son #1 is a pleaser and is worried that he may not get over 95% on all of the exams.

He has three Provincial exams to write.

Chemistry, Calculus and Socials.

He is fine with the first two but is worried about Socials - even though I helped him a lot with the 50's and 60's!

He looked a bit pale as he got out of the car and walked toward the school.

I rolled down my window and honked the horn and yelled,

"Don't Worry! You're wearing your lucky underwear"

50 heads turned.

I think he hates me.

I've Come A Long Way, Baby!

Son #1 is taking Socials this semester and has moved into discussing the 1950 - early 70's era.

He came home yesterday and said - "You were alive during that time right.  Freaky.  Boy things sure were different.  You had nothing!"

"Not so,"  I said. "I was born in the 50's and while many of our neighbors didn't have indoor plumbing - we did.  We had television , but only two channels, one radio station and a car.  But we lived in the country and technology was slow to come to the country."

(age 4 - when chickens were our toys)

"I went to a one room elementary school - grades 1 to 8.  There were seven of us - we were all related. "

"No, No!"  he said," I mean you didn't have computers, IPods, or cell phones..."

"Cell phones! we were on a party line - pick up the receiver and make sure no one was on the line.   'Busy?' was the common query.  Turn the handle the appropriate number of rings to alert the person we were calling - we were Ring 4 by the way."

His face was  a blank sheet of paper so I decided to write on it.

No,  I wasn't raised in the digital age and, because I was isolated on a cattle farm, I was quite removed from current affairs and the way of the world.
 In fact, until I moved to The City I did not know there were gays and lesbians.
'She's a bit 'off' ' , they would whisper.  Really, that's what they said.

It was an era of Valium, unhappy housewives  and cigarette commercials.

I was in my late teens and early 20's during the burn your bra era, the Viet Nam war demonstrations and peace rallies, Grateful Dead, Janis Joplin and Timothy Leary ...and Woodstock. 

It was a big eye opener for a naive farm girl.

It was long hair, flashing the peace sign, water buffalo sandals and granola, brown rice and the Ting Tea Room.
 It was an era of hippies and VW buses.

It was  hitch-hiking, tie-dye shirts and finding yourself in Europe - on a dollar a day.

It was a time of freedom -  but not for everyone .

"Sheesh, mom, I didn't want the History Channel documentary - I just wondered how you managed without electronics!"


But we had TV! and Hockey Night in Canada!




I've come a long way.
Except for the IPod.  I still don't have one of those.

If it Breaks, they Will Come

We  received a call from the owner of the business.  

He would be late.

He was taking the fridge from his cottage to a small, small  village an hour away to have it repaired.

huh?

I don't think there is an appliance repair shop  there.

It's a really small village.

Did he not know there are companies closer who will  repair appliances on site?

Was he not familiar with the saying 'Why take the mountain to Mohammed when Mohammed can come to the mountain'?

Sometimes all we can do is shake our heads in disbelief.

Or maybe he just wanted the morning off.

Day One ...

Today I was cleaning the trailer in anticipation of camping season when I came across this note written on a napkin by Son #2 several years ago.

I'm not sure you can read this but it says.

'Day One

today I got stuck in the camp trailer its just like the time when i got trapped in the bathroom of grandpas motor home.  the door is jamed, i dont know how but it did.  it kind of feels like the hangover (but im not drunk) you know when everybody leaves Doug on the roof.  But in in a camper beside my house.'

I remember him getting stuck and letting him out about three hours later.  He was a bit cranky. 

 I'll have to remind him that he didn't have to write a Day Two note.....

or Day Three...Four...Five....six... seven.....

To Go, please.

http://www.etsy.com/listing/33606464/ill-have-a-cafe-mocha-vodka-valium-latte

Noah! Build me an Ark

We had a mini flood this week.

It only lasted the one day.

The water in the creek that runs through our front yard (the one the tax man wanted to charge me more taxes for) breached its banks and flooded our neighbrhood.

The reason for the flood was two fold. The first being a torrential rain storm which followed several days of really hot weather and the second was snow melt caused by that previous really hot weather.

The water that flows in the creek comes from the mountain snow melt and that water was slowed halted by a fallen tree and forest debris which caused  the back up.


These things (floods) never happen during the day - always at night when its difficult to see if you've lost a kid in the current.

This was the first time in 18 years that the water went over our bridge as well as under.
That's not snow that you see but a foam created from the currents mixing up the debris.
It's like the frappe setting on your blender.

There's a bridge under that icy cold water.

Dilemma.
Drive across or walk across? 

There is no other access and there is no way in hell I am missing Ladies Night!

(FYI - I drove over it)

Neighbors , from the top of the street to the bottom, were out sandbagging; those on the down side getting hit around the ankles with my newly purchased mulch that was being washed away.

In its place was debris coming from all houses upstream.
I'm sure this year instead of clown poppies I will be getting burdocks and other equally nasty weeds.

Also being washed away from our yard was about six quite large piles of gardening waste that I had not yet loaded into the back of the pick up truck.

Someone will be annoyed to have that left on their lawn.

This is the scene the next morning.
Yes, that's my car.  The water had receded enough that I could drive down the road when I came home at 1:00 in the AM.
Part of the driveway had washed away so I walked across the bridge.
I could see the planks so I knew it was safe to walk.

See on the right?  No mulch  - just a lot of silt.
Still a bit of water trickling down the road but the district crews, firemen and neighbors did a great job of removing the blockages and sandbagging the low spots.

I spoke highly of them while warm and dry at Ladies Night.

This is the day after the following morning.  The water is off the lawn and the bridge is still there and safe to drive on.  No one was injured and no one suffered any real property damage.

All in all it was just an exciting adventure!
We were very lucky.

Will Be Missed By Mary

I was talking to my sister yesterday and she mentioned that a person we had gone to school with had passed away.

 

http://www.ucmp.berkeley.eduJoseph LeConte (1869-1901) 

(isn't this an odd looking headstone)

..anyway, on with my story ....

I didn't have clue one who she was talking about and the more information she gave the more I realized I really didn't know the person.

Our conversation progressed into how he had died and she mentioned that someone (name removed to protect myself from the wrath of this "someone") told her he had died at home so that could only mean that he had taken his life.

  What!!??   Really?!!  Is she on crack? Why would anyone say something like that?

I said, "isn't she the same person who, when Darren McKennley (name made up) died and the last line on  his obituary said 'will be sadly missed by Mary' (his wife's name was Heather - name made up), she ("someone" ) said that she had known about this affair for many years, had run into Mary several times and that not many people had known about his indiscretion - then the paper came out the following day with  the obit typo changed to  'Will be sadly missed by Many' ".

She ("someone") is such an ass.

Next Stop - Portage and Main

When I lived in Winnipeg I took public transit to work (okay it was the bus).
A big orange bus.

  Every morning there were the same semi-comatose  faces  staring blankly out the window.  We never spoke - perhaps the occasional nod.  There was an unspoken rule about personal space and the very obvious 'don't bother me' barriers.

Sometimes I read, or listened to music and stared out the window, but I never spoke except for "excuse me" when I needed to move someone so that I could get off at my stop.

Winnipeg has a wonderful music scene - perhaps because  so much time is spent indoors during the cold and windy winters or perhaps just because we are such a talented bunch of individuals who try so very hard.

In any case, many nights are spent in bars listening to the newest assemblage of talent wondering if  they were great because of all the beer we'd drank or if they really had a shot of becoming an international success.

One night in a bar I glimpsed a familiar face just as she saw mine - we rushed together, gave a big hug, "hi! how are you! good to see you!"  and then... realization

 Who the hell are you?

                         She was one of the bus riders that I never spoke to any morning - ever - the one with the extra-long big toenail that jutted out the end of her sandal and clicked the floor of the bus as she walked.


Awkward!